Earth to Doctor House
by Great. I'm Bored
Summary: House is abducted by aliens.


Author's Note: This is my first real story...it was originally meant to be a humorous story or a parody, but it turned out kind of dark, so I don't know how this "silly" plot works with the horror-ish type story this turned out to be.

* * *

Julie fussed with her hair in the mirror. No matter how much she messed with it, she could not get it to look good. She'd tried hairspray, mousse (were women even supposed to use that?), a special shampoo, a state-of-the-art blow dryer (which broke after two uses), and every other hair care product on the planet Earth. Nothing worked.

"Julie? They're here," Julie heard a voice behind her. She huffed and turned to face the person.

"Do you really think I can face my ex-husband and his insane best friend with my hair looking like this?" Julie complained. The other person frowned and went to hug her. "Your hair looks fine, all right? What does it matter, anyway?" The other person asked her.

"It matters a lot, all right? I know you can't understand, but you have to believe me. I need everything to be perfect, and that includes my hair, which will not look the way I want it to!" Julie said into the other person's shoulder.

"Look, Julie, your hair is fine. You may not be able to see that, but everybody else can, okay? Everything is perfect." The other person patted Julie on the back. "You okay now?" They asked her. Julie smiled and followed the other person into the hall.

* * *

"Geez, Wilson, what the hell is taking your wife so long, we've been waiting out here for, like, two minutes!" House whined.

Wilson grimaced. "She's probably doing her hair. You know she hates her hair?"

"Oh, gosh no, Wilson. That's such an important piece of information!" Wilson gave House a stern look, which House mimicked back. "Why are we here, anyway?" House asked.

Wilson rolled his eyes. "I told you, she invited us to meet her new partner."

"I must've blocked it from my memory. She tell you his name?"

"No, but she said you knew him very well. You know what that could mean?"

"Oh god, please tell me it's not Chase. I swear--"

"Whoever it is," Wilson cut House off, "please don't embarrass me, all right?"

"Why, Wilson, whatever do you mean? I would never do anything to embarrass you!"

"Haha," Wilson said flatly, "Look, just—" Wilson was cut off as the door opened and the pair were greeted by a smiling Julie previously-Wilson.

"Hi!" She smiled at them. Both gave her nervous smiles back. "Well, come in!"

House and Wilson stepped over the threshold. "Where's your—" Wilson started to ask.

"Partner? They're in the kitchen, setting up. Hello, Gregory, you certainly look nice tonight." Julie complimented House. He smirked and replied, "Thank you, nice hair."

Julie almost looked like she was about to either cry or lash out, but her expression quickly softened and she simply nodded. House looked up at Wilson, who looked pissed.

"Well, let's go eat, then!" Julie ushered the two men into the dining room. The table had room for six, but there were only four chairs set up. House and Wilson sat next to each other as Julie went into the kitchen to help her partner bring out the food. In a minute, Julie walked back into the dining room carrying two plates, which she set in front of House and Wilson, and was followed by…

"Cameron?" House and Wilson asked together. Cameron smiled. "You look surprised."

"Well, yeah!" Wilson exclaimed. Cameron laughed and took her seat next to Julie. Now that House saw the two side by side, he noticed how much they looked freakishly like each other.

"What happened?" House asked. Cameron looked confused. "What?" She asked. House continued, "I thought you were banging the Brit. What? Was his accent not sexy enough? Was his hair not as touchably soft as it looks? Or did you just want to be a little closer to your twin?" House was met with three gaping stares. "Out of line, House," Wilson murmured to him. House smirked and took a bite of his dinner.

"Well, at least you can cook."

"Thank you," both Cameron and Julie answered at the same time.

"So, um, what brought you two together?" Wilson asked.

They both gave each other a worried look and Cameron answered, "Um, the hospital. I met Julie when I was working in the ER."

"Oh, that's nice. How long have you two been together?" Wilson continued.

Cameron swallowed nervously. "About four months…just about the time you two got divorced."

Julie shuffled nervously in her seat and said, "Could you pass the bread, erm, sweetie?" She said to Cameron. House snorted at the pet name but disguised it as a sneeze after seeing Wilson's face.

"Sure, um, darling," Cameron replied, handing Julie a piece of bread.

Julie thanked her and took a bite. House and Wilson watched awkwardly until Julie changed the subject to the hospital. House stayed pretty well out of the discussion, much to Wilson's delight, but continued to watch Cameron and Julie's actions. They didn't act like a couple, or even friends. Their "affections" seemed forced, although that could be attributed to the fact that both were nervous. Extremely nervous, judging by Julie's constant fidgeting with the back of her neck. What the hell was so interesting back there, anyway?

"What, is your human suit getting a little tight, Julie? Worried that zipper at the back of your neck is going to pop with all the tension in here?" Wilson had started kicking House at the phrase "human suit." Julie held her breath and Cameron started patting her on the back, murmuring something that sounded like "Breathe, breathe, breathe…"

Julie swallowed. "I think it's time for wine on the back porch," Julie said calmly.

"But it's February, it must be only—" Wilson started. Julie cut him off by growling, "Wine on the back porch, now." House and Wilson complied, following Julie and Cameron to the back porch.

"Where's the wine?" Wilson asked.

"On the back porch," both Cameron and Julie answered. "To keep it chilled," Cameron answered. The two men shared a look of fear, dread, and, in House's case, curiosity.

"Julie needs to grab her coat," Cameron said as Julie entered the bathroom and closed the door.

"Her coat's in the—" House began. "Yes," Cameron cut him off. Wilson swallowed nervously as Julie appeared a minute later and they all stepped onto the back porch.

Although Cameron and Julie appeared to be fine with the cold, House and Wilson were freezing. "There's no wine out here…" Wilson noticed. Julie frowned. "James, you should leave."

"Well, you heard her, House, let's go," Wilson said, turning around and pulling on House's jacket. House started to follow Wilson before Cameron said, "No, House stays." House stopped and whirled around. "What?"

"You'll see," Cameron and Julie answered. Wilson started hyperventilating. "Well, if House stays, I stay!"

"LEAVE!" Julie and Cameron shouted and him.

"Or, you know, I could leave. Bye House!" Wilson called from the back doorway as he ran towards his car.

"What are you—" House started to ask.

"They're almost here," Cameron and Julie said together.

"Who's almost here?" House asked. "You guys, this is getting scary…even for me."

"You'll see."

"Oh, they're here!" Cameron said joyfully as House heard a strange whirling in the distance, followed by a blinding blue light.

"What the…" House said, but the last thing he saw was Cameron and Julie's smiling faces as everything went from blinding to pitch black.

* * *

"…Hell?" House finished when he woke up. The first thing he saw was another blinding white light above his head. He winced at the sudden brightness.

"Ooh, he's waking up!" He heard a female exclaimed. He then felt a slap on his face as he heard Cameron say, "House, wake the hell up, we have work to do."

"Wha…?"

"You heard me, get up!" House opened his eyes wider. Standing above him were two Camerons.

"Am I seeing doub—"

"No. We need to explain something to you House and then we need your cooperation." House was now fully awake and aware that he was strapped to an operation table. The two Camerons were wearing surgical masks and rubber gloves, but otherwise normal evening attire.

"What the hell is going on here?" House asked them. They both laughed an identical laugh.

"You'll see!" One Cameron said joyfully as the other picked up a remote type object from the table beside him. "We put together a convenient slide show for you!" The Cameron holding the remote hit a button and a screen popped up in place of the blinding light.

The Cameron without a remote started, "Several years ago I was hiking through a forest in Canada when I stumbled upon an alien birth ceremony. You see,"

"Oh, so you're the real Cameron!" House said. "Quiet! Do not interrupt!" Alien Cameron shouted at him.

"Anyway," Cameron started again, "The plan was for the alien to be raised as a human, to improve the technology of our race. The only problem was the alien looked like an alien. They needed the alien to take a human form. I offered myself. It was the least I could do after intruding upon the special ceremony. So," Cameron switched the slide from one of a blue "baby" blob in a field to that of two Camerons in a field, "They took some of my DNA from my back fat to make another person just like me, but with an extraordinarily advanced mind. At this time, I was only a medical student, I had no influence. So," the scene changed again to Cameron wearing a lab coat while the other Cameron looked on from the nurse's station, "we waited until I was a doctor. In a position of power to change our medical world. It was time to put the plan into action, but," the scene changed again, this time to a picture of himself, "I had met you. And, we decided, why give just me an incredible mind, when we could give you knowledge, too. Which is why you're here now," Cameron finished.

"So…what you're telling me is that Julie is an alien clone of you who is going to share her alien knowledge with our world and now you want to take some of my back fat and make a clone of me, too?" House asked.

Julie nodded. "Sort of. But we left out one detail…"

Cameron continued, "House, we can't continue on with our lives after the aliens take our place."

"What…what do you mean?" House asked. This was seriously frightening him now.

"We need to sacrifice ourselves, House. It'll be painless, just a shot," Cameron told him.

House started frantically fighting for freedom from the restraints. "What? What? I don't want to do this! Let me go!" Cameron and Julie laughed.

"That's not an option, House, now lay still…" Julie said.

"No!" House wriggled around within the restraints, desperately trying to get away from the needle Julie was holding up to him.

"House, just lay still, it'll be fine." House heard a familiar voice behind him. He relaxed a little. "Stace?" He asked. In his moment of relaxation, Julie stuck in the needle into his neck.

"Thanks, Stacy," she said. House's vision started to get blurry.

"The thigh muscle…" House moaned. Stacy nodded. "Cameron…you lied…"

"House just…just stay quiet," Stacy murmured as everything went dark.


End file.
